In loving memory to Jason Fitzsimmons
Ride Like The Wind                                      April 30, 1978 - August 23, 2002

Beyond those walls in the Sky

Rain drips steadily down, clammy and cold. Down the picture window rolls
Stream and rivulets of rain, distorting my view, making everything somewhat
Picasso-esque. I stare out the window, and look at the street – oil slick and
Vaguely threatening. The flowers in my garden droop, heavy with water caught
In their cupped blooms. But I didn’t see this – I see the sky instead, the
Sky beyond the clouds, the sky beyond the walls I have around me

I know it’s there, this bright blue, staringly huge expanse. I know it’s
There, I feel it. I feel it’s crispness and it’s depth, sun kissed and
Sweetly pure. I know it’s there, even if I can’t see it, even if I can only
Imagine it for now. My eyes close, and I am free again. I am in the sky
Above the wet grayness, thought the dense rain that has futilely tried to
Pen me into these four walls. I am in the sky again.

And so I play, dancing and soaring through the sky, even though my body is
Here on the couch. I feel myself twist and turn, feel the pressure
Distorting my skin, streaming past somehow through me. In my mind, I
Sail through the shafts of liquid gold, into the depths of the sky they
Reach, and I follow them toward their ends. And there is no end. In my mind,
I am free, flying, reaching the sky, part of all this grandness. A feather
On the wind, no more, and for now that is all I need or want.

I breathe, ever so deep, taking into me the simple air, not fouled with
Fumes, nor sullied with discordant noise. I hear the rush of the sky as I
Cut through it, the freefall scream of a body in flight, such a perfect
Noise to compliment the silence that must be there when I am not. This
Contrast – the noise against the silence, this stark difference is
Perfectly balanced, and I long for this balance in the rest of my world;
This simple, natural, easy balance.

I see the earth below me as I fly, terrain moving past. I see the silver,
sliver of river, sparkling shooting up the reflections of the sun I soar in. I
See the mountains, the glorious hills, shades of browns and greens, dotted
Here and there with little buildings and homes. I see the desert, stretching
Out and away, seemingly as vast as the sky. I see all this with my eyes
Closed. I see this with my heart, and I feel it with my soul. I see the
Blending, the great puzzle, the whole picture, the completeness of the land.

I cannot see this perfection from the ground – I am mired in the daily chore
Of career, family, home, this so-called life. But I know that the world
Is more than I had ever known, more than I had ever allowed myself to
Imagine until one late spring day this year. And now I know there is more to
Me than I had ever thought possible. And in this knowledge, I know that I am
Different; that I am made whole, by my time in the sky. I know that there is
More to the world than I had been taught, I carry a piece of the sky with me through my
Day, knowing that it is there, not far. I just looked up and remembered.

I know it’s there, this sky. I know it in my heart and with my soul, I know
It is, and I can go there, even if only in my mind. I shut my eyes, and I
Can go there to be free. Beyond these walls is the sky.

Note from Vicky: Thank you so much Cortney Bloodworth and Stace Smith